Verbal Rubbish

WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM? I AM THE KNIGHT OF ERO! NO MATTER HOW HOT AND SEXY THE CRIMSON LOTUS IS, MY VIBRATING SWORD WILL PIERCE HER HEAVENS! AND SHE WILL FEEL THE POWER OF MY LUMINOUS CONE DEEP IN HER CORE!

Well I have finally finished my move over and I’m pretty sure I fixed all the remaining errors. I’m nervous yet excited to be a part of the dasaku family. To celebrate my admission, I’ll recount the past of how it all began. There are some parts that might be slightly inaccurate but they are just minor details.

Really I was innocent and naive back then. I was a lurker and have been around way before the Anime Blogging Collective began. It was then when I stumbled upon Hemisphere’s den of evil and made my amazing first impression. And yes, I still stand by that statement back then. Through all the fanboying and heart attacks over nekkid bishoujos, an odd thought came over me. “Why don’t I rant and rave about MOAR nekkid bishoujos and produce more pr0n over the internetz?” I like rambling and I like sexy pictures so this should be the perfect match right? So I fired up an experimental Frame completely powered by WordPress.

When I did, the Emperor of Ero immediately descended upon me and cried what a dismal, foolish peasant I was. To use a mass-produced OS such as WordPress is like defecating in a bag and mailing it to yourself while paying for the shipping and handling. Instead, he has directed me to the God of All Porn through mirc. At first I was hesitant from the upcoming horrors within. Yet I have entered into the bowels of hell and it was an intimidating place, but it also had a sadistic sort of welcome that I can’t help sensing. Thankfully due to my slaverings in the outside world, I have been able to escape undetected for at least a month. But through powers of mind control and seductive images of sexy 2D girls, I was lured back to that dark place where demons lie. It was then I underwent a great transformation. I have gone through many trials and now I come back stronger, powerfuler, and more perverted than ever before! I have become what this story amounts to, Verbal Rubbish.

Yes I can feel the awe and admiration you have for me. But do not fear, I am pretty much still the same (or so I hope) guy you know. I just have a slicker format and more buttons than I know what to do with. So as a total new guy, I might as well give out warnings to the rest of the readers about some of the people I met in hell. Hopefully they won’t notice and if they do, then I beg them not to assassinate me. I’m totally harmless without my Knightmare Frame! Just like Ryoto Hikawa!

Randall Fitzgerald: The big boss as some people say. The first time I asked him for hosting, he replied, “YOU CAN ASK ALL DAY! LAWLAWLAWLALWLAWLAWL!” Already I can tell that I was dealing with a deranged madman. But he also seems to be bipolar and was very helpful to me during the entire hosting process. I just hope he doesn’t find out which street I live on because he also lives in California. He also appears to have problems with controlling his own bowels.

Hemisphere/Alkenshel: He is really the man who started it all and quite possibly the craziest of the bunch. In his own words, he gets into the mood by“stripping myself naked and swinging my dick like a conductor to the music of Viva La Spring”. Though he has given me advice on how to speak the big boss’s language such as “LOL HI I WANTS HOSTING AND I HEAR U HAS IT. ALSO I HAS DELICIOUS EROGE ENTRIES. AND PRONS. BOOBIES TOO.” I will never stay in the same room with him alone. EVER.

C.I./Xephfyre: If there is one guy who can converse with Hemisphere successfully, it is him. When Hemi says “Swinging my dick!”, he says, “DICKBATON!”. I guess the certifiably insane gets along well with other insane people. This man also hates plants. I am unsure why because they help us survive. Despite that fact, he doesn’t object to hawt bishoujos being raeped by them. Or if he does, that doesn’t stop him from looking.

Saturnine/Owen S: Self-proclaimed elitist troll. I do not think I can win an argument against him because his large ego bounces off anything thrown in his way. What makes him even more dangerous is that he is intelligent enough to back up his overinflated arrogance. He also likes to make really bad jokes, so bad that it will burn someone’s face off. I am unsure if this man has any weakness.

Cokematic: He is Hemisphere’s raep buddy. Apparently, they sleep in the same bed and practice their moves on each other. I find it highly disturbing and blame it on all the fizzy carbs swirling around in his brain after chugging a billion Cokes. He is also the richest member. His unexpected bounty of wealth (2,000 DOLLARS) could be related to another substance with the same name. He probably bribed Hemi to do special favors for him to pass the time during breaks between Coke chugging.

Shance: I really have a poor memory even though I’ve seen this guy around several times, but what I do know is that he doesn’t want to be raeped by plants. That automatically makes him the most sane person in the entire group. But it might be only a matter of time before I see his true nature.

Panther/HeartUzume: This man is a voyeur master and he goes raving mad when someone mentions the time. I will make sure to stay away from him during ‘daylight savings time’ transitions. I will also be more cautious whenever I bring up other topics such as the weather. He is currently hiring potential apprentices to pass down his voyeurism techniques.

manga: If all the dasaku members went to a barbaque party on the beach and there was a man swimsuit competition, than he will be the one suggesting they either show off their trunks or the entire package. I’ll never go on a vacation with these guys, especially if manga was in charge of the festivities. I guess we all know now why he thinks the beach is always fun.

Zeroblade: I would say he is somewhat normal but then he hears voices, like creepy giggling downstairs. And moreso, he thinks it’s a loli. I’m not sure how he was able to associate a creepy giggle with a loli and I think he is just mistaking it for the snores of his brother. Then again, his brain might have been addled from consuming instant beef noodles and cappuccino soy milk in one meal. He should seriously eat safer food combinations.

Algester: At first glance, he may seem as insane as the rest. But in reality, this guy is a freaking psychic. He has the ability to predict when the latest eroge releases will come out in the span of a season. If any of you readers wish to know anything such as when that zombie vorarephilia release will come out, spam send your requests to him and I am confident that he will answer all of them with unmistakable joy.

Well once again I like to thank Oniichan for allowing me to be a part of the family and for the warm welcome by the other members! I hope to get along with everybody and have fun with the rest of you!

Tags: Filler